I’m afraid we’re back to the beginning of another week… however that means it’s time for a new Motivational Monday! I have quite a lot of tests within school this week, but I have a couple of nice things planned such as a school trip with my journalism class on Thursday which I’m quite excited about.
As promised, I’m going to be talking about toxic friendships today as a follow up from my post on Relationships. We all struggle with friends at some point in our lives whether that be actually making friends, losing friends or even being stuck in a toxic friendship with someone, as I’m sure you’ve all heard of that term before.
How do you know that a friendship is toxic? I hear you ask. Well there are so many red flags that pop up with these kind of people.
By the Urban Dictionary definition, a toxic friend is:
a friend that embarasses you in social situations in order to gain attention; a person that constantly betrays your trust, but you cant get away from due to guilt issues; a type of friend that is ok one on one, but will turn on you as soon as other people are around, making it hard to break off the friendship because you ‘know how they really are’.
You see the thing is, we all know what a toxic friend is, but it’s a different thing having those kind of people in your life and realising that some people just don’t have your best interests in mind.
It’s so hard to cut people out of your life, especially when they’ve been in it for so long. These toxic friends can manipulate you into thinking that you need them in your life but then why do you feel so bad about yourself when they’re around?
Here are 10 ways to know when someone is a toxic friend:
1. They always point out your flaws.
It’s ok if you have something in your teeth and a friend points it out, that’s helpful; but if they like to frequently tell you that you eat weirdly, your nose is too big for your face or that your voice is annoying then say bye to that friend.
My rule of thumb is “If they can’t fix it in 10 seconds then don’t point it out.”
2. They criticise everything you do.
On a similar wave length to number one, it’s that negative energy coming from their speech. They tell you that your dreams are stupid, make fun of your hobbies or point out how bad you are at a certain task, this person is TOXIC.
3. They are untrustworthy.
You’re meant to be able to tell your friends your secrets, and trust that they stay between the two of you. However, the toxic friend will have your secrets spread to multiple people within a short time, even if you specifically tell them not to.
4. They are flaky.
This “friend” will agree to hang out with you until someone better comes along, and poof, your phone buzzes a few hours before you’re meant to meet up with that “sorry I can’t hang out today, maybe another time?” text.
5. They don’t emotionally support you.
Are you going through a tough time? Maybe your boyfriend broke up with you, you’re having family problems or someone close to you has died, and all you need is someone to come to you with a big tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a Netflix marathon. Instead, your toxic friend will tell you to suck it up or decide they have better things to do than comfort you, and go out partying with other people.
6. They’re controlling.
When you do end up hanging out with them, it’s on their terms. You want to watch a Horror movie? Well too bad, you’re going to watch a comedy with them.
7. You’re walking on eggshells around them.
Even though they seem to have all this confidence and control, you can’t seem to say or do anything without them getting offended. You want to be yourself around them but if you say the wrong thing… well you’re in trouble.
8. You always feel stressed or anxious when you think about them.
All of this negativity coming from this person will make its way to you. Waking up, going to school or meeting up with them makes you feel stressed as you don’t know how they’re going to be today. What will they say to to? Is your hair out of place? Are you saying the right thing? Have you done what they asked you to?
9. They belittle you.
Do you ever find an older person talking to you like you’re a child? Well the toxic friend frequently does this. Talking down to you as if they’re superior and you’re just a little kid. They know best right?
10. They’re manipulative.
By this point, I’ve given you lots of ways to tell if someone is toxic. You’re probably wondering how so many people have toxic friends and don’t do anything about it?! These people have a certain… charm about them that keeps drawing you back to them. When they put you down it’s “Just constructive criticism” and if you need them then you’re made to feel bad about yourself because you’re being “selfish”.
There are a lot more ways to tell if a friend is toxic. They may not have all of these traits but will definitely at least have a few of them. Watch out for those red flags.
But how do you get rid of toxic friends?
These people have a huge negative impact on your life so it is extremely important that you try to distance yourself from them.
1. Accept that it could take a while.
It will be a hard process, it could blow up in your face – after all, toxic friends often see themselves as someone who you need in your lives and will try to convince you of that.
2. Take them to a public place, or even just message them.
This isn’t the same as a relationship breakup. It might still be better to do it in person, however if you think that you’ll be pressured into taking back your words go to measures to make sure you stand your ground. If you are meeting up with them, do it in a public place so they can’t make a scene.
3. You don’t owe them a long explanation.
You are allowed to keep it short, just tell them how they bring too much negativity to your life and you don’t really want that anymore.
4. Block them.
I’m talking phone number, social media, email. Just like a breakup, you don’t want to be reminded of them and find yourself being drawn back into your dark past.
5. Distance could be the simple solution.
Sometimes it isn’t even necessary to give an explanation. It might be best just for you to not argue and put space between you and this person. With a toxic family member or colleague this could be tough but try to surround yourself with positive people and keep your distance from the toxic person.
Getting rid of toxic people will be one of the hardest things you do in your life, especially if that person used to be such an amazing person, but you need to put yourself first and make sure that the people you surround yourself with make you truly happy.
That’s all for today’s Motivational Monday. If you have any ideas for future ones please write them in the comments! I take into consideration all of them. Remember that these are primarily to help you out and inspire you for the new week!
Have you ever had to get rid of a toxic person? How did it impact your life?
Love CoffeeeAndCream x